At World's End: The Lost Ending
by Majin Videl
Summary: Wait! Tell me how you got your hair that fabulous blonde color!"
1. Daddy Says I'm Special

AN: I don't use Dialects. After trying to read through my Brit Lit class, it became evident that I will _never _use dialect. I'm sorry if that makes it less believable.

PS: This is a parody. =D

**Daddy Says I'm Special**

The wind was strong, the sun was bright, and the waves were crashing against the bow of the ship. To Captain Jack Sparrow, this would be a normal day. To any other pirate, this would be a normal day. But the fact still remains that this isn't just _any_ pirate, this was Captain Jack Sparrow, and his memorial crew of bandits. The Captains quarters were tossed with empty bottles of Rum, and clothes, and there was a small indication that there may have been a woman involved at some point. There were various lipstick impressions on the shirt that Jack preferred to wear. Other than that, there was very little notification that the pirate himself had ever been there.

The sails were high and the decks were dry, but somewhere in his mind, Jack couldn't help but think that things were amiss aboard the Black Pearl. Jack was many things; a thief, a pirate, a con artist, a joke, and a complete baffoon. To say that he was a drunk would be the understatement of the century. Words could not express just how inebriated he had to be for today to be _normal_ compared to most.

Jack was, to put it in simplest terms, a jack of all trades. He could do many things; kidnap a royal daughter, lie his way through the royal navy, take down an armada of ships, plan something and not follow through, and escape an island with back hair and sea turtles. But even now, staring at the slim figure in the sunlight, he could not figure out _why _there was a blonde haired man at the helm of his ship.

"Aye," Jack shouted up to the man at the helm. Even now, he couldn't help but wonder if the ship had been compromised again. "Who in bloody hell do you think you are?"

"Jack," came the inquiry from the tall blonde haired man. He looked like William…sounded like him, too. But oddly enough, he didn't act like him. This was truly baffling to Jack. He had to be drunk. Licking his hand, he waited a second, and then sniffed it. Ok, there was an obvious hint of rum, but not enough to make him a drunkard. "It's me, William."

Now he knew he was crazy, had that man just said he was the whelp? Jack shook his head in disbelief. "If you're William, then why is your hair blonde? And what's with the bloody quiver?"

"I'm coos-playing." Will answered as he looked at Jack. He seemed so sure of his response, but Jack wasn't nearly as sure of his next words. "You know, Costume Playing?"

"Aye, but why a bloody elf? That's not very manly." Jack cried as he began his slow climb into the ships helm. "In fact, it makes you look like a…a…very confused whelp. How do you fight like that, lassie?"

"Don't call me that. And arrows are more effective than swords. It's common law." William was quiet a second as he pondered his next words. They came to his mind, but wouldn't release. "Common law says that the arrow is faster than the sword."

"Lass." Jack responded as he handed him a powder puff. "You missed a spot, luv."

In the instant it took him to insult William on his obvious lack of fashion sense (as well as his lack of creativity), Elizabeth came bounding onto deck with her boots clomping with each step. Her hair was visibly shorter, almost ear length, and there was a long metallic item hanging off the side of her _denim jeans_? As if Will's attire wasn't interesting enough, Izzie carried with her guns that weren't even invented yet!

"Luv," Jack asked swaying around as he pointed at the item at her hip. "What is that?"

"It's a gun." She responded hesitantly. "Haven't you ever seen one before?" That's when he noticed the necklace adorning her neck; a domino with a 2-6. He failed to see the significance of the domino with anything else.

"Am I the only one who isn't bloody crazy?" Jack shouted throwing his hands in the air in defeat. As if that wasn't enough, Elizabeth's words hadn't shocked him much at all. She kicked around a soccer ball, which he didn't even question. "Bloody hell, Mr. Turner! How do you plan to fight in a dress? Can you use a sword?"

"Uh, yeah. I was in the first two movies, you know! I _made _all the swords we're using now, thank you very much! I _was _in _Lord of the Rings_, you know!"

(ref to the commentary in the first one)

"This day…could not make less sense." Deciding it wasn't worth it to argue, he went back to his quarters. Days like these were not meant to be questioned; and the old adage was that if you can't _beat them_, then _join them_. Not even an hour later, Jack reappeared from his quarters in what looked like a dark black straight jacket, greasy black hair that looked like he'd licked an electrical socket, pasty white skin with black lipstick and eyes that looked like he got punched in the face, followed by long sword like features sticking from his fingers. "Much better."

"You ruined my swords!" Will shouted from his position.

"Aye! And what have you done to my makeup?" Elizabeth shouted from beside Will.

"You wanted to play dress-up…so I dressed up! What? Too fancy?" Jack asked as he looked at his attire. He was quite pleased with his choice. "By the way, Mr. Turner, that outfit makes you look gay." Then he turned to Elizabeth. "And that one makes you look like…you do normally."

"Aye? Well _that _outfit makes you look psycho!" Both Will and Liz shouted at the same time.

"**Perfect!**" came Jack's perfectly formulated response. "There'll be no more dressup on board of the _Pearl_. Savvy?"

* * *

Short, oneshot, drabble thingy. I thought of this and I was like…_ok, people have referenced Leggo in POTC, but has anyone done Edward Scissorhands? _=O And thus, _Looking in the Face of…a Fairy? _Was born! R&R Pretty please!


	2. The Immortal Mr Turner

AN: I mixed it up really bad in the first part – I haven't seen the movie in a while. Just go with it. Creative liberties.

**The Immortal Mr. Turner**

William felt the piercing pain of the dagger in his chest, but all he could hear was his love calling out to him. Davy Jones' immortal words continued to ring in his mind, even in those fleeting moments when Elizabeth cradled his dying form. _Tell me, Mr. Turner…do you feel death? _What if he said no? Sorry, getting ahead of myself here. The only sound he could hear was his beloved wife shouting at him to keep breathing. _GOD! _They just got married and already she was commanding him like a puppy! _Just_ because she's the pirate king…

As if on cue, Mr. Jones himself recited his famous monologue. Or in this case, his famous sentence; "Tell me, Mr. Turner…do you feel death?" Not yet, but he could feel greasy smelly tentacle goo flying at his face. Jack was still a bit in shock from what had happened to the whelp. He always looked at him like a son. It was almost a damn shame he found his dad. "Do you?" came Jack's response.

Jack was standing still as a statue, holding the heart and his broken sword. How could he save the whelp? Mr. Jones did not look the least bit pleased at Jack's refusal to give up the heart.

Meanwhile, back on the railing, Mr. Forgets-his-lines himself realized where he was. "My son!" He shouted as he ran after Davy; a little later there, Mr. Turner Sr. In this time, Jack managed to use William's hand to stab the heart, resulting in (one of) the most anticlimactic deaths in the history of cinematic adventures. The next instant, Elizabeth turned to see Jack grabbing a rope and a gun, dragging her away from her husband's now lifeless form.

_Part of the ship, part of the crew. Part of the ship, part of the crew. Part of the ship, part of the crew. Part of the ship, part of the crew. Part of the ship, part of the crew._

* * *

The moment of truth finally came. The armada stood against them, the pirates themselves planning to play a game of cat and mouse, with Jack Sparrow in the lead of the whole damn show. As fate would have it, the now immortal captain of the Dutchman decided to take that moment to show his amazing new features. The delicious piratey goodness that now was Captain Will Turner. His long blonde hair blew in the wind-wait, _blonde?_

Blonde hair blew in the wind, cascading down his shoulders, his pointy ears sticking out of the locks. Strapped to his back was a quiver, and a satchel of bows. He was more than ready for this fight. He was braced against the wheel, spinning it mindlessly. Elizabeth looked disgusted at the new Will. This wasn't very piraty at all! Suddenly a shout erupted from his father. "Do you know how to fight?"

"_Of course I do!_" Shouted Will Jr. "_I __**was **__in _Lord of the Rings, _you know_! _And I made every single sword we're about to use!"_

Suffice it to say, Cuttler did not die in the bloodbath as originally planned; he died laughing hysterically. The comment could be heard echoing on the beach, as Elizabeth chased after her love. "**Wait!**" she shouted as she chased after him along the eddies. "How did you get your hair that fabulous blonde color?"

* * *

I should have made an attempt to at least add detail to this – but I suck miserably at sword fighting…or any kind of fighting, for that matter, so this was the best I could come up with. There's two versions of this – so I'll upload them both (they're drastically different). =) As always, read and review, and I'll give you some proverbial Rum!

**FUNFACT: **My email for this account has, and always will be "willturnermadethis", why, might you ask? My friend Heather and I watched the first POTC over a thousand times, so we decided to watch it with commentary. There's a scene where they asked if he could fight and he says "of course I can! I _was _in Lord of the Rings, you know!" which kind of brought about this next part. We were watching it again, and it got to the part where Jack says "Who made all these?" And Will answers "I did! And I train with them 3 hours a day!" At that time I was wearing a lot of metal, and hence the name 'Will Turner Made This'


End file.
